Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
