ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
