i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
