I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
