just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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