Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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