this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
