I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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