OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
