I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
