The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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