I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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