I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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