pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
