Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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