i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
