My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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