Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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