You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
