haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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