i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
