just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
