Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
