I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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