im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
BRING THE BAGELS
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
