I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize