my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
