help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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