I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
