i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
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One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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