it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize