Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
