i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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