i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
