I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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