We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
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