you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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