Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
