i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
