My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
