dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
