I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
