I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
