just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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