dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
