I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
