Ambien. No doubt about it.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
