I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
