This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
