You can't special order awesome
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
