Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
