Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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