you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
