bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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