I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
