Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
