the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize