I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
