Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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