i just wanna soil my oats bro
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
