You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Randomize
