How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
