About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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