How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
