in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
