If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
